How to cultivate emotional intelligence in
children!
For
children to become individuals with well-rounded personalities, they require
emotional intelligence. Though traditionally the focus has been on IQ, today EQ is truly the essential quotient. Let me tell you how important EQ is with an example.
Reena,
a 16-year-old, has been a class topper right from grade 1 in all subjects.
‘Genius’, ‘Brilliant’, ‘Mastermind’, ‘Brainy’ – she is so used to being
addressed thus by family and peers. Today, Reena is one of the contenders for
the post of President in the Students Council Elections in her school. She is
quite confident of winning the elections. However, the results have come as a
big surprise. Reena has lost. Her rival, Zarina has won by a huge margin. Reena
stunned.
Twenty-two years later…
The
Medical Council Elections have just been conducted. Dr.Reena, the Chief Medical
Officer at a multi-specialty hospital, is one of the contestants for the post
of secretary. She stands with a proud tilt of her chin. The name tag on her
medico’s coat proclaims flattering qualifications. The results are announced.
Reena is once again stunned. She has lost-to the same rival Zarina, Head of
Physiotherapy Department in a leading hospital.
So,
what went wrong for Reena? Let’s analyse the personalities of Reena and Zarina
to understand better.
Reena: High
intelligence, singular focus on academics and career, high achiever, loner,
poor people skills, insensitive to other’s feelings, generally grumpy, snapping
at other often, frequent outbursts of emotion, not liked by peers.
Zarina: Average
intelligence, above average achiever in academics, active participation in
extra-curricular activities, friendly with all, pleasant countenance and
manners, kind, controlled emotions, popular among peers.
Reena
is a typical example that intelligence alone is not enough to succeed in life.
Though is may appear to be enough for climbing up the professional ladder, as
far as wholesome success is concerned, something more is required.
That ‘something more’ is EQ. It can be
developed. While nature has a greater influence on IQ, nurture has a great
influence on EQ.
Parents
thus have a great responsibility on their shoulders to make their children
emotionally intelligent for the future. Gone are the days when children used to
live in joint families and learnt a lot without much attention from their
parents. Now, they live in nuclear families with mostly working parents. So,
taking good care of the children becomes all the more important for parents. I
give below some ways for parents to help make their children emotionally smart
and intelligent.
Regulate
your own emotions
Parents should be role models while
dealing with their emotions because children learn a lot through observation.
Parents’ positive behaviour helps the children to regulate their emotions and
adopt the right way to deal with their emotional disorders.
Be
patient listener:
All the children want to be heard
carefully irrespective of their age. When children don’t get a chance to
express themselves, the emotions get bottled up inside and, then children have
temper tantrums. Parents need to give all ears whenever they find their
children ready to share something.
Be Observant:
Apart from being patient, parents should be
vigilant to any behavioural change in their children. In case of a behavioural
change, either the child is not willing to express or is unable to explain the
challenge that he/she is facing. Here, brain storming can be a useful tool to
see how their children behave in a difficult situation, to find an opening to
solve their problem. It would boost their confidence level.
Have
an Empathetic Heart:
At times, even empathizing with the
children is an effective solution when the situation is not very grave. This
help to relax and soothes their nerves when they are struggling. Gradually,
children develop this emotion of empathy as they receive it from others.
Children thus find to pacify themselves.
Avoid
Suppression:
Children may develop emotions which lead
to fear. Parents should, by no means suppress such emotions or feelings tagging
them as either unacceptable or shameful.
Spending quality time with your
children in the above-mentioned ways, will bring about emotional stability in
them and help develop emotional intelligence.
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